Presenting the ‘Picture Dictionary’
Visually appealing and for the easy understanding of English vocab…




Plagiarism

Taking someone's words or ideas as if they were your own
(Eg: Call it copying, stealing, or procuring illegally. Anu Malik does it all and doesn’t even worry about copyrights. He might be against music piracy but definitely supportive of lifting tunes without worrying about a legal term that sounds like ‘Copyrights’
But must say the man is finally giving us some fine tunes lately that he claims to be his own)




Vampire
Corpse that sucks the blood of humans
(Eg: Veeru paaji’s “Khuthe kamine main tera khoon pe jaunga. Need I say more?)





Poaching
Illegal hunting
(Eg: Media’s favourite punch bag. Salman Khan, known more for his ‘bare-all’ stunts than his acting prowess. He was the man behind making black bucks more popular than Starbucks.)

Jilted
To deceive or drop (a lover ) suddenly or callously.
(Eg: Only that in this case its Sallu who is the jilted one (courtesy: Aishwarya). The victim.)

Obsession
Compulsive preoccupation with a fixed idea or an unwanted feeling or emotion, often accompanied by symptoms of anxiety.
(Eg: That’s right. Salman is always preoccupied with making phone calls. He just cannot get over the obsession. Methinks, somebody should inform him about Skype. That could save a lot of his money draining into phone bills)

Truly, a man of many words…







Verbose
Using or containing a great and usually an excessive number of words
(Eg: We all know how when Mr. Mahesh Bhatt speaks, we are at a loss of words. That’s because he is using up all the words you may later find in the dictionary while you refer to make sense of his long-winded extravagant speech. His inability to speak in plain words will even raise the dead from their graves.
Same goes for jargon, clichés etc.)




Stammer
To introduce involuntary repetitions and pauses into one's speech
(Eg: King Khan’s favourite pickup like ‘KKKKKKiran….’ Or his staggering, stammering laugh…that reminds you of a racehorse)

A baby’s gotto do what a baby’s gotto do!


That’s Tommy Pickles’ punch line from Nickelodeon’s much watched baby toon ‘Rugrats’. Ever wondered what all those teeny-weeny newborn infants think of adults, how they perceive the environment around them. It’s after all a entering a big bad world dominated by adults. Is it chaos? Is it confusing for them? No wonder, we have movies dedicated to this theme. Remember John Travolta’s “Look who’s talking?”. And as if that was’nt enough, we had sequels to it…”Look who’s talking too”
What about you, yourself? (all that you can remember about your childhood). Each one of us did perceive things around us differently, partly because of what we heard our elders speaking or doing, or some other such influence and also partly because we invariably thought that the way we understood as babies was right.
As a baby, I knew that the earth was a globe, round in shape but I was of the understanding that the sky covers us from above and we stay inside the protected globe.
There were times I thought I would just clean up the sky of clouds so that the serene blue sky would come to fore. Hmmm, must say that I was not so ‘creative’ with my baby imagination. I atleast didn’t go overboard with my imagination. Wait till you hear what my friend’s baby cousin thought about rains. The little one was of the understanding that it rained whenever God was going to the bathroom! Gross!
Sometimes, kids ask you questions that can leave you dumbfounded. My tenant’s kid, barely 5 years old, was once in conversation with her grandma. She had just then returned home and was playing with her pet dog, Browny. The city was inundated by heavy rains for a week now and she was naively chirping “Its raining, its raining…Browny, why is it raining?” repetitively. Her grandma, in the meantime, was busy hauling the dried clothes from the clothesline, when the little girl asks “Naanama, naanama, what is today?” Grandma promptly replied “Ivvaala Saturday naanna” (Today is Saturday dear) For which the girl’s matter-of-fact reply was “If today is Saturday, then why did’nt I go to school?” Grandma was bowled! Meanwhile, the girl turned to her dog and spoke “See, Browny, Grandma doesn’t know. It is Saturday she says. That means tomorrow is Sunday!” And then she extended her song triumphantly “It’s raining, Its raining. Grandma doesn’t know why I didn’t go to the school today. Its raining. Its raining.”
My previous tenants had a son (Sampreet) who was in his first grade. Every Saturday, his grandpa who stayed a few kilometers away from their home visited his son’s family. Being aware of the regular visits and the timings of visit, Sampreet ritualistically, peeped out of the window that overlooked the sit-out, from behind the window curtains and announce (rather too loudly, that even we could hear him, staying upstairs) “Thathayya vochaaru, thathayya vasthunnaaru, thathayya vochesaaru!”. (grandpa has come, grandpa is coming, grandpa is here) And then open the main door, chuckling away at his victory!

Sometimes, children can put you in a spot! Of course, they do so unintentionally. A friend of mine told me how smart her young cousin was. He was fascinated by shapes and very good at identifying objects through visuals. His parents had taught him what a triangle, a square and some other geometric objects looked like. During one of their shopping sprees, the family had entered a ladies hosiery. The child seemed thrilled at something in display. He was very delighted at what he saw. He kept pointing to ladies undergarments on display and thoroughly enjoyed screaming in excitement “See, a triangle, triangle!”

As a kid, its really tough not to get influenced. I remember how troubled my mom was about me when I was so addicted to a popular Hindi serial on National TV that goes by the name ‘Udaan’. It was about a small-town girl who dreams of becoming an IPS officer. The serial showcased her efforts at the Police Academy while training. Aping her every move, I would crouch beneath the easy chair and trying to snuggle my entire body through the small gap between the supports (legs) of the chair. Then after having achieved that feat, I would hold the clothes hanger as a rifle and charge at my mom in the kitchen punching her behind (scenes that showed the serial protagonist boxing a sack).
Then climb onto the bed and jump with all my might as though I am jumping from a high-rise wall. And my poor worried mom would neatly fold a bundle of bed sheets on the floor near the bed so that I wouldn’t hurt myself while jumping down from the bed.
My mom tells me how she used to take me to a restaurant nearby the nursery because of my penchant for hot ‘gulab jamuns’ they made. As a child I was very impressed by a song from a Hindi movie in late 80’s and whenever the song would be played I would just stop all my activity and start dancing around. Of course, people were courteous to cheer me when I danced. But imagine doing so now! We would never even dream of dancing in public. Obviously, the child has no place for an emotion like embarrassment.
I m sure each of you have a childhood story to tell. There are lot many such episodes to tickle your funny bone. Watch out for a sequel to this piece…
Coming soon: ‘A baby’s gotto do what a baby’s gotto do’ – Part II

That trip from Delhi to Pilani...

This piece is dedicated to the turning point in my life. What else? BITS, Pilani admission.
If not a matter of national shame, it is very much a matter of bitsian shame if I haven’t written about even one of those innumerable experiences. And all bitsians would agree with me that the trip from Delhi to Pilani would top that list of experiences!
To begin with, the trip from Delhi to Pilani is one of those horrid, tedious journeys where anything and everything is possible to happen. But at the end of it, nobody complains. It still remains memorable…
This hilarious anecdote resulted out of one such trip in my second year of Engineering. Krithika, Dolly, Sushma and myself, a group of four friends decided what most girls would’nt even think off. Our unanimous decision to board ‘apna’ Haryana transport bus at ISBT. And as fate would have it, we were just too tired already to curse our luck when we found ourselves seated on the last seat in the bus. For those who fail to understand, sitting on a seat that’s right above the bus wheels can be a nightmare. And here we are talking about an estimated 7 hour travel on the bumpiest of the roads. We were joined by another bitsian guy (I fondly refer to him as a ‘bakra’. You will soon find out why). Well, for sure he had no other go than to be seated beside Krithika and to be seated beside her could be lethal to be very modest. She happily engaged in conversation with him. Funny, but I still am unable to recollect this guy’s face. But there was one thing that was bound to happen. He was trapped becoz he was seated beside my friend who would definitely do the killing with her 24*7 jabbering mouth. Let me give u a picture of the seating arrangement. No no, its not like a ‘Final Destination’ story. But very soon you will know why I turn out to be the central character of the story! I was huddled on the right side of Krithika. On Krithika’s left was this bitsian bakra stuck to his window seat, trying to gaze at the fields as we went beyond Gurgaon and entered the countryside. Needless to say, all his efforts went vain. On my right were Sushma and Dolly.
Now there is lot of noise and commotion in a State transport bus. What started as an ‘adventure’ as I had termed it while convincing my friends to take the State transport bus, was slowly turning into a tormenting, torturous affair. While the rustic men in their dhotis stared at us and smoked fumes from their beedis, we felt claustrophobic. We tried to lie down with faces buried in our hands. We were just waiting with bated breath to reach our havens at Pilani.
In comes a guy dressed in a dhoti and a Rajasthani ‘pagdi’. The first thing that would go unnoticed without saying were his stinking yellow teeth that seemed to be damaged beyond repair. Apparently, the man was indulging too much into beedis, gutkas…And yes, ladies and gentlemen he smelled of pungent liquor that was so devastatingly intolerable. And the man found no better seat than in betweem Krithika and me. Krithika didn’t want the coveted position beside the bitsian bakra to be given to a rural drunkard. It seemed like the bakra was even agreeing to accommodate this rustic than bear Krithika. And the man happily settled beside me without giving me even a chance to complain! While my friends went bac to their businesses, two in deep slumber and Krithika with her constant jabbering, the man seemed to be to my horror of horrors, Krithika part-II. He wouldn’t stop talking and all that odour drove me crazy for a while. I realized in due course I was actually getting ‘immune’ to all that stench from this guy.

Conversation between me and the rustic:
(Oh ya! We did communicate. There was no other go.)

Him: Aap Dakshin bharat ke ho?
Me: (You think u r intelligent ?) Haan ji.

Him: Dakshin ka matlab jaante ho?
Me: (What the **** ? Of course I knew Hindi, else how would I answer him?) Ji, mujhe Hindi aati hain

Him: Accha accha. Aap kya karte ho?
Me: Padthi hu. Aur mere saath mere theen dost bhi hain

Him: Metric pass ho kya?
Me: (Eh?) Haan

Him: Hum tho dasvi fail. Par hum Haryana Transport gaadi chalaate hain
Me: (Was he kidding me? Is he the bus driver?) Ohhhh…

Him: Aap kya padthe ho?
Me: (I dint think he would understand Engineering. But since BITS was the only landmark in Pilani, I guessed he would understand) Hum BITS, Pilani main padthe hain

Him: Engineer ho aisa kaho na!
Me: (Grrrrrrrr….)

Him: Uske baad aapko Postman job milegi kya?
Me: (Whaaaaaaaaaaaat????!!) Kya?!

Him: Nahin humre yahan postman ka job hain. Unko padna likna hota hain na…Chitti padthe hain…
Me: (Right, after all those years of Thermodynamics, Engg Graphics and C programming I m sure going to be competing for the most sought after job of a postman!) Ohhh…

Him: (Pointing to Krithika) Yeh aap ke dost hain? Inka naam kya hain?
Me: (Wonderful! Krithika would definitely acknowledge all your attention!) Krithika

Him: Indica?
Me: (I couldn’t help laughing loud…Krithika turned across to me….) Ji haan. INDICA!

Him: (Pointing towards Dolly and Sushma) unka?
Me: Sushma…(I waited to check his pronounciation)
Him: Sushama!

Me: (Kool! ) Dolly
Him: Darling?!

Me: (I was in splits…Dolly, still in deep slumber…Wait till she knows this!)

Him: Aap sabi padthe hain kya?
Me: (This was my chance to pull Krithika into foray..) Hum sabi padthey hain. Indica hum sab se thez hain.! (Krithika going red in her face, dunno if she was angry or blushing)

Him: (Turning towards Krithika) Aap phir Haryana ke District Collector ban jaana.
Me: (Oh my! )

Krithika already started mouthing curses on me…Meanwhile the rustic carried on about himself. Hum transport main kaam karta hoon. Night shift. Humra ek biwi hain (What was he thinking? How many would a common man have? A dozen wives?) aur chaar bacche (Not bad! Four not out!) Then he told me a lot about where all he had traveled and how demanding his job was as a driver, the difficult terrains he had driven in his life…

The bus came to a halt at a bus stand and the people got down the bus to stretch and relax. He turned suddenly closer to the window and asked me to read what was written on the roadside. I read “Kalanaur Bus Stand”.

Him: Hum ‘test’ kar rahan tha ki aap ko Hindi padna aata hain ki nahin
Me: (Very Smart !)

After a while, the bus moved on. The rustic wouldn’t stop talking and so would Krithika. I was sure the bitsian bakra was hoping for a miracle. And well, what are friends for? I hoped to be his miracle.

Him: Manjuji, (oh ya he could pronounce only my name correctly. He told me it was a common Rajasthani name) kya hum beedi chala sakthe hain?
Me: (Don’t kid me! No ways!) Indicaji se permission lena padega.

Him: (Turned to Krithika and very fervently requesting her..) Indicaji, please yeh beedi pi sakthe hain kya?
Krithika: NO! Manju, please yaar. Tell him not to. You know I m allergic to cigarette smoke.

Me: Vo keh rahin hain ki agar aap use District collector ke liye vote dengey tho aap ko vo beedi peene dengi.

Krithika: (Hysterical..) Are you nuts? Tell him to stop.

Him: (As though he made a jackpot…all that happiness written over his face, sending out smoke rings in the air…)


After all that drama, he finally bade us a goodbye at a nearby station…Another guy was ready to fill the gap, but we didn’t take a second to close the gap. No more funny people. We had enough humour to last us the most tiresome journey back.

And later as we recollected, it was indeed a hilarious episode. I wish I had blogged the same day..I know there were a lot of funny elements in his conversation, but my memory fails me. As for Sushma and Dolly it was a whole new narration.!

Slangs – the ‘oh-so-cool’ one-liners

Yo man!, Howdy, How ya doing?, Wassup?, Holy shit!, Whatever!, As if!, no sweat !, U rock!, Dig in, Hell!, f*** u !, “Chill”…
If u think these are picked from Eminem’s or 50 cents’ latest, think again!
Exit: The plain old “Hello”, “How are you?”,”Good Morning”,”Good day”
Enter: The young and electrifying breed, the ‘MTV generation’ as I call it, communicating through ‘kool’ and ‘hip’ slangs.
So how did all that cool lingo make its place in the land of ‘Namaste’?
Blame it on America. Simple. For years, rap music has been cheered and accepted by the teens all around the globe. And with it came a plethora of words that soon became the flavor of youth worldwide. Hollywood contributed in its own stylish, fashionable way.
“As if!”. This catchy phrase (as far as my knowledge goes) was popularized by the teeny bopper Alicia Silverstone in the early 90’s flick ‘Clueless’. It was an instant hit!
Then there was the macho Arnie (Arnold Sw…pardon me, I cannot help but mention his surname should feature in some spelling bee contest) in Terminator-II with his fleeting “I will be back”
When Hollywood was riding high, can our Mumbai filmwallahs be in any way behind? Nah! We had desi versions. Kareena with her ‘Whatever’ act. Commendable effort.
Also, the widely popular Mumbai ka ‘bhai’ lingo. Thanks to apna Ramuji (Ram Gopal Varma), with his large haul of gangster movies, even a toddler can pick up the Mumbai tongue as conveniently as the mother tongue! ‘Apun log’,’bhai bola na?”,”Ek koka mangta”,”chikne”….and many many more. Of course, can we forget our desi sirens dancing to dance numbers dedicated to such lingo? “Khallas!”,”Aila re”,”Bindaas”…there might be many more. Needless to say the latest ‘MunnaBhai’ with his ‘Bole to’ !
For all those hall-of-fame couch potatoes, I wont disappoint you. A fair share of slangs have arised out of popular sitcoms on the tube. My ode to the fun-loving womanizer dude from FRIENDS….Put your hands together for ‘Joey Tribbiani’ ! Applause Applause….’How ya doing?” act was lapped up by youngsters all over.

So the next time you have your very orthodox Aunty (who gives you unwanted sermons) visiting your home, give her a dose of “Hey hottie! How ya doing? Wassup with that extra flab on your hips? Looks nasty to me. Sweat it out at the gym, old mama!”
Chances are that she would’nt encroach on your privacy for atleast a decade. Of course, the repercussions being, you might be grounded for a week at home. No pains no gains!

Happy living…

What’s in a name?


Well, for starters, if naming a baby wasn’t that great a deal then why would aspiring parents think so much to name their newborn? Atleast in India, there is no dearth for names…Most of them picked up from religious mythology, gods, goddesses, kings, princes, saints, blah blah…So for all you know your kid could be named Ram, Laxman, Bharat, Shatrughan…or hey they were a 100 Kauravas…How convenient !!
Going by the trend, they can be Pepsi, Cola, Sprite,…or just simply ShahRukh, Salman, Hrithik…So what makes people put their grey cells to work for as trivial an issue as naming a baby?
During one of those morning walks, I could not help but overhear a bunch of grey-haired men in their immaculate white sports shirt and shorts discussing a name.
“Its so soft, I never seen a skin so soft…” “And such a gleaming wheatish and silky look, its terrific”. I wondered if the baby was of royal lineage! I strolled across, now taking shorter steps so as to not miss their lively conversation. The third one (baldest of the three) seemed calm for many moments. “Ajju, naam theek rahega !” (The name ‘Ajju’ will be appropriate). Wow ! Now that sounded like a nickname. “I wanted to name my nephew as ‘Ajju’. My family astrologer says it’s a very powerful name.”
Ok! So much was going into naming this kid. Whose kid is it anyway? I wondered.
Meanwhile another one joined the group. Only with a few silver streaks in his hair, I assumed he was younger than them. “A very good morning”, he waved at them.
Now, its customary in India, how the elite use clichéd phrases like “Very good morning” as compared to the plain “Good morning” and they ask you “What is your kind name?” or “Your good name sir/madam?”
How does a name become good/bad? That is an issue debatable. But some other time.
The new addition to the ‘Name the baby’ team seemed to shock me with his contributions. “Just see what color it is and name it.” “Browny, blacky….u know” Now that was such a racist remark!
“That is so old-fashioned”, snapped the baldest one. “Holy shit, why are they even considering color, for God’s sake!”, I thought loud. “I think they would have already named it by now”, spoke another. I was hoping they did bcoz these men weren’t exactly naming the baby right. And out of the blue, one of the men rattled “There he comes…”
What? The baby? I turned my head as fast I could. And what I saw amazed me. It was shining, barely a half a feet…with silky skin and chocolate brown in color, a set of eyes that were so awesome with the perfect innocence as that of a just-born infant. Only that it wasn’t a human baby. It was a new born puppy. As adorable and cute as a human child.
The men weren’t racists after all ! So next time you think whats in a name, think twice and also to which species it belongs to. Oh ya, and ultimately I did find out its name. “Skipper”