That trip from Delhi to Pilani...

This piece is dedicated to the turning point in my life. What else? BITS, Pilani admission.
If not a matter of national shame, it is very much a matter of bitsian shame if I haven’t written about even one of those innumerable experiences. And all bitsians would agree with me that the trip from Delhi to Pilani would top that list of experiences!
To begin with, the trip from Delhi to Pilani is one of those horrid, tedious journeys where anything and everything is possible to happen. But at the end of it, nobody complains. It still remains memorable…
This hilarious anecdote resulted out of one such trip in my second year of Engineering. Krithika, Dolly, Sushma and myself, a group of four friends decided what most girls would’nt even think off. Our unanimous decision to board ‘apna’ Haryana transport bus at ISBT. And as fate would have it, we were just too tired already to curse our luck when we found ourselves seated on the last seat in the bus. For those who fail to understand, sitting on a seat that’s right above the bus wheels can be a nightmare. And here we are talking about an estimated 7 hour travel on the bumpiest of the roads. We were joined by another bitsian guy (I fondly refer to him as a ‘bakra’. You will soon find out why). Well, for sure he had no other go than to be seated beside Krithika and to be seated beside her could be lethal to be very modest. She happily engaged in conversation with him. Funny, but I still am unable to recollect this guy’s face. But there was one thing that was bound to happen. He was trapped becoz he was seated beside my friend who would definitely do the killing with her 24*7 jabbering mouth. Let me give u a picture of the seating arrangement. No no, its not like a ‘Final Destination’ story. But very soon you will know why I turn out to be the central character of the story! I was huddled on the right side of Krithika. On Krithika’s left was this bitsian bakra stuck to his window seat, trying to gaze at the fields as we went beyond Gurgaon and entered the countryside. Needless to say, all his efforts went vain. On my right were Sushma and Dolly.
Now there is lot of noise and commotion in a State transport bus. What started as an ‘adventure’ as I had termed it while convincing my friends to take the State transport bus, was slowly turning into a tormenting, torturous affair. While the rustic men in their dhotis stared at us and smoked fumes from their beedis, we felt claustrophobic. We tried to lie down with faces buried in our hands. We were just waiting with bated breath to reach our havens at Pilani.
In comes a guy dressed in a dhoti and a Rajasthani ‘pagdi’. The first thing that would go unnoticed without saying were his stinking yellow teeth that seemed to be damaged beyond repair. Apparently, the man was indulging too much into beedis, gutkas…And yes, ladies and gentlemen he smelled of pungent liquor that was so devastatingly intolerable. And the man found no better seat than in betweem Krithika and me. Krithika didn’t want the coveted position beside the bitsian bakra to be given to a rural drunkard. It seemed like the bakra was even agreeing to accommodate this rustic than bear Krithika. And the man happily settled beside me without giving me even a chance to complain! While my friends went bac to their businesses, two in deep slumber and Krithika with her constant jabbering, the man seemed to be to my horror of horrors, Krithika part-II. He wouldn’t stop talking and all that odour drove me crazy for a while. I realized in due course I was actually getting ‘immune’ to all that stench from this guy.

Conversation between me and the rustic:
(Oh ya! We did communicate. There was no other go.)

Him: Aap Dakshin bharat ke ho?
Me: (You think u r intelligent ?) Haan ji.

Him: Dakshin ka matlab jaante ho?
Me: (What the **** ? Of course I knew Hindi, else how would I answer him?) Ji, mujhe Hindi aati hain

Him: Accha accha. Aap kya karte ho?
Me: Padthi hu. Aur mere saath mere theen dost bhi hain

Him: Metric pass ho kya?
Me: (Eh?) Haan

Him: Hum tho dasvi fail. Par hum Haryana Transport gaadi chalaate hain
Me: (Was he kidding me? Is he the bus driver?) Ohhhh…

Him: Aap kya padthe ho?
Me: (I dint think he would understand Engineering. But since BITS was the only landmark in Pilani, I guessed he would understand) Hum BITS, Pilani main padthe hain

Him: Engineer ho aisa kaho na!
Me: (Grrrrrrrr….)

Him: Uske baad aapko Postman job milegi kya?
Me: (Whaaaaaaaaaaaat????!!) Kya?!

Him: Nahin humre yahan postman ka job hain. Unko padna likna hota hain na…Chitti padthe hain…
Me: (Right, after all those years of Thermodynamics, Engg Graphics and C programming I m sure going to be competing for the most sought after job of a postman!) Ohhh…

Him: (Pointing to Krithika) Yeh aap ke dost hain? Inka naam kya hain?
Me: (Wonderful! Krithika would definitely acknowledge all your attention!) Krithika

Him: Indica?
Me: (I couldn’t help laughing loud…Krithika turned across to me….) Ji haan. INDICA!

Him: (Pointing towards Dolly and Sushma) unka?
Me: Sushma…(I waited to check his pronounciation)
Him: Sushama!

Me: (Kool! ) Dolly
Him: Darling?!

Me: (I was in splits…Dolly, still in deep slumber…Wait till she knows this!)

Him: Aap sabi padthe hain kya?
Me: (This was my chance to pull Krithika into foray..) Hum sabi padthey hain. Indica hum sab se thez hain.! (Krithika going red in her face, dunno if she was angry or blushing)

Him: (Turning towards Krithika) Aap phir Haryana ke District Collector ban jaana.
Me: (Oh my! )

Krithika already started mouthing curses on me…Meanwhile the rustic carried on about himself. Hum transport main kaam karta hoon. Night shift. Humra ek biwi hain (What was he thinking? How many would a common man have? A dozen wives?) aur chaar bacche (Not bad! Four not out!) Then he told me a lot about where all he had traveled and how demanding his job was as a driver, the difficult terrains he had driven in his life…

The bus came to a halt at a bus stand and the people got down the bus to stretch and relax. He turned suddenly closer to the window and asked me to read what was written on the roadside. I read “Kalanaur Bus Stand”.

Him: Hum ‘test’ kar rahan tha ki aap ko Hindi padna aata hain ki nahin
Me: (Very Smart !)

After a while, the bus moved on. The rustic wouldn’t stop talking and so would Krithika. I was sure the bitsian bakra was hoping for a miracle. And well, what are friends for? I hoped to be his miracle.

Him: Manjuji, (oh ya he could pronounce only my name correctly. He told me it was a common Rajasthani name) kya hum beedi chala sakthe hain?
Me: (Don’t kid me! No ways!) Indicaji se permission lena padega.

Him: (Turned to Krithika and very fervently requesting her..) Indicaji, please yeh beedi pi sakthe hain kya?
Krithika: NO! Manju, please yaar. Tell him not to. You know I m allergic to cigarette smoke.

Me: Vo keh rahin hain ki agar aap use District collector ke liye vote dengey tho aap ko vo beedi peene dengi.

Krithika: (Hysterical..) Are you nuts? Tell him to stop.

Him: (As though he made a jackpot…all that happiness written over his face, sending out smoke rings in the air…)


After all that drama, he finally bade us a goodbye at a nearby station…Another guy was ready to fill the gap, but we didn’t take a second to close the gap. No more funny people. We had enough humour to last us the most tiresome journey back.

And later as we recollected, it was indeed a hilarious episode. I wish I had blogged the same day..I know there were a lot of funny elements in his conversation, but my memory fails me. As for Sushma and Dolly it was a whole new narration.!